


Take me back to when...

by BoomOut77



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, The Conclave, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 10:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10463283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoomOut77/pseuds/BoomOut77
Summary: One shot when last Commander just died and Lexa is nervous about tomorrow's conclave. Clarke is also a nightblood and tries to make her feel better.





	

Lexa was sitting on the balcony on the roof of Polis' tower. Her legs hanging loose. She was staring down at the the people. 'They're so free and so happy' she thought. Her mind was constantly taking her to the events that are going to occur tomorrow. Tomorrow all her nightmares are going to became real. Tomorrow she'll see the purpose of her training. She imagined all those horrible things she will be forced to do and the pain she'll feel after she's done. Then someone sat next to her. Blonde hair girl with blue eyes and a smell of fresh fruits mixed with the scent of the rain. Lexa didn't have to look at her to know who she was.

-I knew I'd find you here. - Blonde stared up in the sky and smiled. She always felt like she belonged with them. 

-What are you thinking about? - she asked.

-You know what I'm thinking about Clarke. - Lexa's voice was angry and scared. As much as she tried to hide the pain, as hard as she tried to shove it inside her, Clarke could see it very clearly. 

-Heda is dead. Tomorrow our nightmares are going to become reality. - Lexa continued. Clarke put her hand on the top of brunette's.

-Conclave. - Clarke nodded understandingly.

-You know you are going to win it? Everyone knows it. It's either you or Luna, and I don't think she can make it. You're stronger than her. Not just in the body ... but also here and here. - Clarke touched Lexa's head and heart. 

-That's what I'm afraid of Clarke. You know what winning means. You know what I have to do. - Lexa looked her friend in the eyes. Her eyes wet but not a single tear fell down her cheeks.

-It means you have to kill us all. It means you have to kill your siblings, your only family, people you grew up with. The only people you trust. I understand. I know. - Clarke's eyes never left Lexa's. Her voice was steady, just like she wasn't scared of tomorrow at all. 

-And then you'll become The Commander. You can finally get a chance to do what no one ever could and what we were dreaming about since we were young. We won't be able to see it, that's true. But we will always be here with you. Our spirits, will be her with you. 

-What if-... What if I-... I can't become The Commander. What if-... What if I don't want to. - Lexa's voice was cracking. It was the first time Clarke could hear her wise and fearless friend's voice cracking. Which meant that she had to be the strong one here.

-You do want it Lexa. That's what they trained us to do. That's what we have to do. It's our purpose. Nightblood is rare and only those who have it can lead our people. We were the chosen ones and you know it. But only you, the smartest and the strongest in the body and the spirit, can become The Commander. - Clarke's blue eyes were sure. She didn't hesitate. She couldn't. Lexa needed to be strong tomorrow and emotions won't help her with winning.

-You can win too. You're fast and your spirit is much stronger than mine. 

-You know I won't. I don't stand a chance against you, or Luna. I'll make it easy for you and die at the beginning so you don't have to kill me. - She knew that when her commander dies, she die. She wasn't the worst or the weakest of the nightbloods. Actually, Lexa was right, her spirit is the strongest one but she's weak when it comes to the fight. She just can't kill. And Clarke accepted her faith long time ago. She accepted the death. 

-No. You have to fight too. You never know, you might make it. Promise me you'll fight. - Lexa squeezed Clarke's hand so hard that Clarke could barely feel her fingers. Clarke nodded as a response but wasn't going to keep her promise. She loved Lexa too much and forcing her love to kill her, it would just broke Lexa. She wasn't going to let that happen. 

They sat in silence for a while. Staring the view. Their fingers interlaced. 

-I don't want to lose you. - Finally Lexa whispered. Clarke couldn't help but to look at her love with her blue as sky eyes. In her mind Lexa was just to precious for this world. She deserved better. 

-I'll always be with you. - Lexa couldn't look Clarke in the eyes. She knew if she did, she'd probably get emotional and start crying. Lexa never cried and she wasn't going to. If she is to be Heda, then it is required from her, that her emotions need to stay balanced and under control. 

Comfortable silence settled between them once again, their shoulders touching each other. Both of them were staring at the beautiful view. Next time when and if one of them will be able to sit here again, the view won't be as admirable as it is right now. Next time, it'll be dark and full of happy memories and moments that will never come back. It will be full of pain. They knew it, so they just couldn't stop staring.

-I cannot trust anyone besides you. All of you. How can I lead if I have no one to advise me? - Lexa broke the silence. Clarke looked at her curiously, searching deep in her mind for something that'll stay with Lexa forever. Something that she'll try to lead her people with. When she couldn't find anything as wise as Lexa's advice if she was on her position, she simply asked.

-What would you advise me? - Lexa was surprised. She looked at Clarke curiously, not sure if she understands correctly. 

-I won the conclave, Lexa. I killed all the people I loved. My sword is soaked in their blood and I'm broken. My spirit is broken because of the things I've done. Yet I have to lead. I have to march my armies against the enemy. I have to look into the eyes of my warriors and say 'Go, die for me'. I'm broken inside, but I'm tough outside and I have no one I can trust. - Clarke voice was harsh and her eyes were sharp. She needed Lexa to know that she understands. She needed her to know what it'll be like. 

-What would you advise me then? - Clarke asked, holding Lexa's gaze. She didn't let her look anywhere else. Lexa hesitated. She was thrilled and didn't know what to say. 

-Do your best.

-Not good enough. - Clarke shook her head disagreeing. There was something inside Lexa, something that she knew, she just had to say it out loud and Clarke pushed her to do so. Her blue eyes staring at Lexa's green. Then, something inside Lexa's mind clicked. Her face suddenly became more serious, more confident. 

-Listen to your people. You have the spirit of the commander but they have its voice. Everything you did, everything you're doing or will do is for them. What they want is one thing but what they need is your purpose. You have to give them that. You have to make sure to keep them safe, to keep them alive. You are not important. Your needs are not important. The second you become The Commander you are devoted to your people. They own you. Treat them like you would treat me. With respect and care. - Lexa imagined her telling Clarke the advise. She didn't realize that she was advising herself. 

-How would I do that? How would I give them what they need? What DO they need? - Clarke pushed harder. She knew what Lexa's answer will be. They talked about it thousand times already.

-Peace. They need peace. And to achieve that goal you have to unite all of the 12 Clans. And you have to lead all of the 12 Clans. You have to lead them as you would lead your own. You have to make them your people. - Clarke nodded as a response.

-What else? - Lexa was confused again. What else would she tell Clarke if she was the one to become The Commander?

-Nightbloods. Take care of them. You're legacy will be fully secured once the nightbloods understand its purpose. If they respect you, then they'll respect what you've created as well. - Clarke smiled at her inspiring girlfriend. That was more than she expected. She leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss on Lexa's lips, letting both of them forget about what comes tomorrow. Tomorrow, she'll be dead and Lexa will be The Great Commander, but today... Today they're just in love. 

Then she put her head on Lexa's shoulder and both of them continued staring at the sunset. Now, the silence was absent. They were listening to sound of trees, birds and Clarke to Lexa's steady heartbeat. 

-What would you advise me? - Lexa stiffened a little asking this as her thoughts came back to reality once again. She loosened up however as she heard Clarke's answer.

-Don't forget about yourself.


End file.
